As the daughter of hard-working immigrants, I inherited an intense work ethic. For as long as I can remember I've had incredible fortitude for getting things done. When I’m in my productivity zone it’s as if I’m surrounded by an impenetrable force field of focus.

Of course, it’s during these moments of intense concentration that my sweet husband often reaches out with bids for connection—a gentle touch, a kiss on the cheek, or a simple comment about the weather.

More often than not, I would respond with an internal scream: "Can't you see how busy I am? I'm in my zone, trying to conquer my to-do list!"

But over time, I've learned that meeting these bids for connection is imperative to nurturing a thriving relationship.

Turning towards is from the Gottman's research on relationships, and involves acknowledging and responding to our partner's bids for connection. Bids for connection, whether subtle or overt, are the threads that weave emotional closeness and intimacy.

Studies show that truly solid relationships meet these bids around 86% of the time.

I’ve recognized that while I love getting things done and being efficient, my love for my husband is even stronger. So, I’m trying to change!

Just as I’ve learned to delicately touch the fragile plants in my garden, I'm on a journey to acknowledge and cherish the fragility of relationships. Without our conscious effort to nurture and tend to them, they simply cannot flourish.

Turning towards bids for connection extends far beyond romantic relationships. It holds true for all the connections we cherish —our friends, family, colleagues, and even strangers. Each interaction is an opportunity to embrace tenderness, compassion, and empathy.

Let us actively choose to foster a sense of belonging and deepen the bonds we share. 

I invite you to turn towards those bids for connection, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

Whether it's a friendly gesture, a listening ear, or a shared moment of vulnerability, can we respond with genuine care and compassion?

Join me in practicing the art of meeting these bids to nurture the relationships that enrich our lives. Together, let's celebrate the beauty of connection, knowing that it's the foundation upon which our growth and happiness are built.

May the rest of your July be filled with lots of love and meaningful connections!

P.S. for educators: This summer I'm offering a huge discount on the SEL Every Day Courses. There are even greater discounts for multi-users and you have the option of earning 3-6 Graduate Credits.